My dog won by a large amount of votes as ‘cutest pet’ for the local newspaper. But because he’s a pitbull he was not given the prize or recognition. So disappointed with the ignorance of this town. At least I know Valentino is the cutest pet in this town.
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MY LITTLE SHITS
APPARENTLY NOBODY’S HEARD OF PROPER FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES SO I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU FUCKS HOW TO MAKE ONE
FIRST STRUT YOUR FINE ASS OVER TO YOUR FREEZY BOX AND GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THAT SWEET WOMAN OF JESUS AUNT JEMIMA’S WAFFLES AND YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM THAN JUST GRAB WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU GOT IN THERE. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DAMN ICE CREAM THEN SHIT MAN YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.
IF YOU’RE NOT A WHINY PANSY AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE BEING A HARDCORE MOTHER FUCKER THEN TOSS IN SOME OTHER SHIT YOU LIKE
BUT FOR RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO FOCUS ON ALL YOU PANSIES WHO WANT YOUR ICE CREAM UNTAINTED BY OTHER SUCCULENT TOPPINGS
RIP INTO THAT BOX OF SWEET AUNTIE’S WAFFLES AND FIRMLY GRASP TWO
NO MORE THAN TWO
JUST DON’T DO IT
YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR THE COLOSSAL CREAM CLUB SUB
ONCE YOU HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS IN YOUR HAND THROW THEM ACROSS THE ROOM SO THAT THEY LAND PERFECTLY IN YOUR TOASTER
IF YOUR AIM SUCKS ASS JUST PUT THEM IN GENTLY WHILE TRASH TALKING YOUR TOASTER BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HARDCORE
WHILE YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR WAFFLES TO BE AS TOASTY AS YOUR CHOICE ASS RUN OUTSIDE AND SMASH A CAR OR SOMETHING
BY THE TIME YOU WASH THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS THOSE DELICIOUS LITTLE SYRUP DISKS SHOULD BE READY FOR ACTION
TOSS THOSE FUCKERS ON A PLATE AND PILE THE CREAMY GOODNESS ON ONE OF THEM
COVER UP THAT SHIT WITH YOUR OTHER WAFFLE AND WHIP OUT THAT BUTTERFLY BLADE YOU KEEP ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE THE THUG LIFE CHOSE YOU
STAB THE BASTARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT’S PERFECTLY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER
NOW FOR YOU SICK FUCKS THAT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE MORE TOPPINGS YOU’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME SHIT THAT I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU TO DO BUT BEFORE YOU PILE ON YOUR ICE CREAM YOU WANT TO LATHER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER/ CHOCOLATE SYRUP/ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ONTO THE WAFFLE
THEN DUMP OTHER TASTY SHIT ON THERE AS YOU SEE FIT
YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT THAT PART I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS LITTLE SHITLET
AND AFTER THAT JUST GO BACK UP AND READ THE PANSY INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME THING FROM HERE OUT
CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST MADE A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND YOUR PRIZE IS YOU GET TO GO DEVOUR IT LIKE IT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE TASTED SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S BREAST MILK BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS
I love people who can speak my language in recipes
You speak the language of my people
I tried so hard to scroll past this. I really did.
damn it Radio 2
I just learned a new method for business.
If you’re protesting abortion, the Supreme Court says you can get right in women’s faces and scream at them on their way into the clinic. Because freedom of speech.
But if you try and protest the murder of a black man, you get tear gas fired at you.
How fucking dare you ruin the image of a famous pop culture like him. Just because he made some mistakes you fuse him with this disgusting monster? Honestly, Shrek should never be humiliated
out of all the comments ive seen people making this is my favorite
I swear the fuckin producers of the simpsons knew shit was an issue before anyone opened their eyes.
If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead
what do coral even get stressed about
guys, i work at an aquarium and my coworkers and i have literally laughed at this for three days straight. everytime we pass each other we whisper “current events” and crack up. our customers think we are nuts.